How to handle a rebellious child ??

How to handle a rebellious child ?? i got one at home , i got one which i so in love with him, i got one which i cant live without him …. but he can be really rebellious child !! Sometime i being so upset when my boy being so rebellious and naughty …. i upset, cos i cant handle, cos i don’t know what is the best approach . What is the best way to “save” him.

Me and my hubby been discuss about this rebellious child . Of cos for my hubby, spanking is the way … spank until he scared he will obey , for me i dun think spanking is the best way ……So …What is the best approach ? Spanking (we define this as one or two light swats on the rear back side, or on the hand )? Time-outs? Counting one to three? naughty corner ? Sitting down with the child to talk things over? A combination, perhaps?

As for me, i first give in, then i slow talk , then i started to warn , finally i will spank or i cane him !!! I believe Children need and want firm and consistent limits. We know it can be hard to hold the line on their behavior. It can be inconvenient, frustrating, maddening, saddening — but your children have to know that you love them enough to not just tell them “No,” but also to make the “No” happen. If you consistently give in, they might very well continue to push you in order to find out where the boundaries really are.

When i slow talk or warn him, i will want him to look at my eye and listen what i wanna to say, make it short sentence and easy for a 3 years old to understand, repeat again and again ….. i will explain what he done wrong … i also wan him to repeat what i say …. if he can , sometime he not able to repeat, cos he is crying !!Sometime he cry so hard and telling me : I want to be good boy” i wanna pandai” !! Spank & cane always the last option … which parents like to spank and cane ??? we hurt them, at the same time we hurt our self too …. 😦

After all the punishment . Either he will cool down and apologize , if YES, i will give him a hug and kiss . If NO, if still behave rebellious … he will remind standing there until he cool down and able to talk !!

It’s not easy …. i try many way … sometime work, sometime not work …. is like an experiment to us as a parent, till we find out what is the best approach …it’s can really hurt, mad and frus !! Not every approach is working …. either soft
approach or hard approach !!

What is my boy bad behavior which i thing i need to “save” him out from this behavior !!!
1) He like to throw things.. anything he can grap and reach … either he is happy or not happy … of cos not happy he will throw even harder with frustration .
2) He loves to interrupt when I am talking , or papa talking … he cant wait, he get fruswhen he not able to talk at the same time . He cry and spank and shout to us . I cant tolerate when he spank us when we not give in.
3) He like to show us the angry face with the face “up” and hand fold . I duno where he learn this !!
4) When some people came to our house, guest or relative … he wan my attention, he will start to throw things and shout. Why ?? i duno …. of cos i cant scold him when guest is around … but this can be embarrassing !!! like we didn’t well teach our son …

Some of my friend say, is a normal bad behavior in every kids… even is normal, but we cant take it lightly, it take time to teach before it’s too late … before he grow up and cant control anymore . I do worry !!

Do you all think people that a child /my boy join, people that he always be with that give him this bad behavior ??? I cant say 100%, i cant say No either …. Jeremy was with nanny from 8am and 7pm ….. There’s one jie jie is nearly 4 years old. Nanny always complain that both cant really get well … fight to each other , scold and shout to each other , cant share toys …. spank each other sometime , of cos sometime both can get well and play together, but very easy to get fight rather then play well…. “sign” ….. I seen the lil girl often … she exactly have the bad behavior i mention above . Poor lil girl, her mum only take her back on Sunday only . I believe no well teach and love from the parents 100% . The nanny that taking care my boy also like to shout !!! Is the bad behavior start from here ?? hmmm…. hard to say ….. maybe yes !!

To make my boy behave well and happy … i do sometime need to find new activiti for him, to keep him happy, keep him busy , keep him well behave, when he learn new things, he get excited, he show interest and he will listen to what i wanna to teach him … this is a good point and credit to my boy . Which he is willing to accept and listen when learning NEW thing . Bad point… the activity must be simple and easy … too complicated, he might lose patient !!!! & start to get mess …….. *-*

I pray and hope i can cope well when 2nd boy is arrive.. i hope i can teach my 2 boys with more patient and love … i know is a long run process . We love that why we care and worry !!

Last, i m going to enroll Jeremy to MUSIK GARTEN start this saturday !! We been to the trail class last Saturday, He show interest !! I hope he enjoy the class ….& hope to enchance his development in physical, intellectual, language, musical, confidence, self esteem , creativity , social skills ,sharing , indepentant ….. in long run process… will share about this in other post !!


13 Responses to “How to handle a rebellious child ??”

  1. Food For Tots Says:

    I will not spank or cane my son regardless of how rebellious he is. Time-out and punishments work well with him. I had sent my son to Kindermuzik before. It is a good music program.

  2. Sasha Says:

    i have one at home also. U can guide him before 3 yrs old. If you dun do it before 3 then …cham! mine.. i dunno whether i succeeded or not but he is better now. Throw things, roll on the floor, even in supermkts, ccry and open his mouth big big like we’re going to slaughter him everything la. Ppl say we give him too much face, but then we know ourself la. Takkan we wanna whack him in front of ppl? And i did once and my sis came and told me “you’re not suitable to be a sahm” So never whack – give too much face. Whack not suitable to be sahm. Then how? Susah.. susah. Just stick to what u’re doing, let him stand in the corner until he keep quiet and all, even when u’re not at home to let him know “rules applies everywhere, not only at home”

  3. slavemom Says:

    I guess there’s no one best approach. It depends on the child. My boy oso, likes to throw things/toys, jes for fun. He purposely drew on jie jie’s sch book even tho I’ve jes smacked his hand n told him no. Sometimes he’s really testing my patience. All we can do is to keep telling them wat’s right n wrong. Altho they’re oni 2+, cannot fully understand reason n logic, but we still hv to educate them. I think that’s the best we can do.

  4. andrewjune Says:

    anggie, i thk i’m having the same headache with you now…yeah, my lil rachael is very very naughty too!
    i wont spare her the cane if i could…i will NOT let my daughter be rude to me or talked back to me!!! it’s so not right!

    used to be a very patient mum…then aft having her, i blow up easily!

    i thk if she pushes my limit too far, i dont mind “scolding” her in the public, even if the crowd is watching me…but def no spanking lah hehehe…
    perhaps it’s just a phase (throwing things and shouting) and when the lil one arrives, i guess jeremy will be better 🙂

    a note to jeremy boy – jeremy, dun make your mummy angry lah..your mummy is pregnant so mummy must be tired!

  5. Anggie's Journal Says:

    Food for tots:
    Thanks for sharing ur thot …. spanking and cane is a last option for me… sometime just out of patient and way to teach him …:(
    I also think the music garten is a good program ….

    Sasha :
    Yah .. My SIL also ask me to guide and teach well b4 they turn 3 , other wise very difficult already … make me even more kan cheong … cos he is turning 3 in few months time …. 😦 We r same same here …. got one rebellious kid and one is on the way …. :)Thanks for sharing any way …So means i m not alone here .

    Yah …. i also wanna learn to be more patient , other wise thing get worst for each others . I also doing the same thing … repeat .. repeat and repeat ….until dreaming i also repeat it … hahahha

    June :
    Ya lor…. i and william use to be patient too … u know us ..right ??? But now, we get blow up easily too …. sign ….

    Really hope all this is just a phase for them while they r growing up … but we still need to educate them well before is too late …

    Thanks for sharing… we r all still learning !!

  6. jacss Says:

    i hv been thinkg with a single child alone at home where there isn’t any oth child to imitate/fight with, the child shd hv a better character….until i read that jeremy is taken care by a nanny with an elder girl around.

    i’m then pretty sure the influence came mostly if not 100% from d long bbsitting hours, imagine nearly 80% of his awake time, he was there so inevitably, the child would learn from there, be it good or bad!! d bbsitter’s style can really made a different…thou it might be against your wish i know!!

    would u consider switching his environmt like going for a nursery with day care since he’s turning worse at bbsitter, plus he’s nearing 3?? only you, the parents will know what is best for jeremy, i wish u good luck!!

    btw, i don’t believe in sparing the rod, if it works for you, why not, after all it’s also one of the many punishment ways, no?? i’m sure u will know what works best for you!!

  7. Anggie's Journal Says:

    Thanks for sharing ur thot here …. i thot i was wrong to judge my boy behavior with the bbsit environment and the eldest girl .( my SIL do say so!!!) As u say most the time he was there … there’s always a bad and good behavior he adapt .. bad as for the bad behavior he learn ( not all), good as he learn talking very fast .
    Oh .. i m going to put him to nursery soon as i find the right and good time … but still hv to wait couple of months, at the means time, we parent got to work hard for this …..
    And i m NOT and NOT going to put my new baby to this nanny , i m going to find a better environment which i already found !! 🙂
    I m not saying the nanny is bad, she is not bad … interm of taking k baby and kids, just the environment and the family backgrd which i think is not very good … we always wish and hope the best for our kids…
    yah… i wish myself good luck for guiding Jeremy and for the new nanny who going to take k my new baby …..


    I think you are not alone. I have one that screams and rolls on the floor in supermarkets too. The trick for mine is to distract him with other things if we are out shopping. At home I try to be stern to him & yes, I have caned him too many times! Sometimes it works, sometimes no. Grandparents at home does not help at all – they get soft hearted after the child cries (or even when they know he pretends to cry!) Good luck to all of us. Hope they grow out of it soon.

  9. wen Says:

    my previous cane was out of shape already. that was because i ‘caned’ the chair, sofa, floor, stair case, table to warn the kids.
    it depends how naughty the kids are. same like u, tell one time, then give warning, then the big punishment and it also depends on the wrongs. the other day i didnt cane my boy but got him to stand on 1 corner, with the hands up and repeat many times that he will not tell lie anymore even though its a s small lie. he blamed his sister for taking my gym ball out. he was afraid i will scold him so he blamed the sis lor

  10. Pet Says:

    I do spank my daughter, she can be very naughty at times. Then, I have to remember to be patient. So, nowadays I do usually give in to her unless it can cause danger or she is being too demanding. U c, she likes things to be done her way or else she gets upset and start to cry.

    Every parents in this world (I think) are trying to be patient with their children! LOL… i think so.

  11. vickylow Says:

    Yes agreed to your approach method. From soft talk, warn till spank. I use this approach too. Thumb up to the class you enrol Jeremy soon. Yes my girl do learn about stop, queue, wait for her turn, sharing with peer and etc. From your post I found Jeremy lack of social skill with other peer. Perhaps this is a good way to train him. Playgroup also help much b4 you send him to kinder. For throwing thing habit let me dig out my old parenting magazine and share with you later 🙂

  12. MommyAngel Says:

    Is that the so call terrible 2 stage? I can foresee my girl will be going into that stage too. Sometimes I do not know what’s the best method to teach a kid coz only the parents will know what ‘works’ for them. Maybe some will not agree with the method but I think only parents know best as they are the one who see the real thing and spend time with the kid.

    I think you are a great mom because at least you care, I saw a lot of moms just ‘let it be’ until the kid hit other ppl’s kid, swear at adults, hit his mom etc but I am glad that your Jeremy is not doing all that. Keep up the good work Anggie, and I will keep your post for future reference for me if I even need any coz I think it will work well for Angel too … but hor, those rotan are really so scary leh, hahahahaha …..

    BTW, I don’t know where should I drop this so I will post it here, I have a tag for you here

  13. Wonderful Life Says:

    Depending on individual kids… some simply wouldn’t work without spanking/cane.

    I’ll use the spanking/cane method if other methods don’t work for my kid… 🙂

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